I just have to say WOW! THANK YOU THANK YOU....everyone for your responses. I had many "AHA" moments reading every one's comments on the post below. It really was a HUGE relief knowing that mommies and non-mommies could relate to how I am feeling. I wasn't the only one who felt possessed by the nutso hormones! Also, I realized that there ARE solutions to getting me back!! Well...slowly, but surely. There is hope! So much great advice was given...seriously why didn't I post about this earlier???
So after reading every one's comments here and on facebook. I decided on a few baby steps I am going to take to start the search of who I am again. I think it will begin like a treasure hunt...eager to hunt for the gold, but frantically searching until you finally have decoded the map/clues and have an idea where "X" marks the spot. So it will definitely be a trial and error thing until I really figure it out too see what really clicks for me. So here goes......!
1. Supplement Feed...I actually started doing this past weekend! I was stressing myself out (as you read before) sooo much not being able to keep up with the demand that my son needed at daycare. So he is getting 1/2 of BM and 1/2 of formula at daycare, nurse when we get home and nurse at night....let's face it nursing is easier in the middle of night.. One of the only conveniences of nursing....there is no adding water, shaking or stirring involved just whip it out and there it is. ha!
Anyways.... Just doing that these past 4 days at work I have pumped more than I EVER have! I guess the pressure of me thinking my son would suffer not getting just BM has been lifted off my shoulders. He is doing great with the supplement he is still so happy like nothing has changed. Except his diapers WHOA are so much stinkier now! I hear it is worse when baby's start solids! Gotta invest in some masks!
2. Connect Spiritually...this has been a tough one. I would love to go to church, but the last time we went the baby did good until the sermon and he got antsy and I had to walk out. I don't think their was a viewing room either. I looked around and didn't see anything so I gave up and went to the truck. Gotta try again one day. However, I am a spiritual person and I firmly believe you don't physically need to go to a place of worship to believe and have a relationship with the big guy. I have lost touch though so I need to get connected again. So for the time being I will listen to podcasts of my church's sermons online and finish the book "The Shack." I hear this book is awesome! I think this will be a large factor in getting "me" back. Since my soul is so lost.
3. Treat myself with a new look... I desperately need this. Not a HUGE overhaul makeover, but just a much needed tune up. I need a hair cut, new outfit and pedi...I think I would feel refreshed and want to keep this look going. I am going to try to get away from the pony tail and dull outfits at work. Remember "TRY" it will be pretty difficult to get away from at least the pony tail since it is just so easy and the baby is in a stage of wanting to yank my hair out of my scalp with his great super baby strength! So it will be try for the pony tail for now. I will post a pic of my new look later! :-)
4. Date Nights with Hubby... This was a big piece of advice that most people gave on how to find not just "me" back, but my relationship with my husband. I am going to schedule 2 date nights this coming month with my husband. And we will actually treat this like a "date" and not just like a typical night of going out to eat and to the movies. Maybe we will get to share a cherry coke....ha!! What I really want to get is that feeling you get when you are anticipating the "1st kiss". I want to fall in love again....not that I am not in love with my husband, but you know what I am talking about. The type of in love that you get a tingling feeling all over and the uncontrollable smiling when you think of your honey. This might be all a dream, but hey it doesn't hurt to try!
These are alot of things and I am sure it will take much more than this to get "me" back, but they are small little steps to start off. Thanks again everyone for the tips. If you think of anything else please let me know! I would love to hear them!